Hobbies in Marriage

What do you do when your hobbies and your spouse's hobbies have almost nothing in common? Make room for each other. Separate hobbies are healthy in marriage when you support each other and talk honestly about money and time. It also helps to step into your spouse's world once in a while. Over the years, those hobbies become part of your shared story.

Is it healthy for spouses to have different hobbies?

Yes. Hobbies help people rest and handle stress, and a spouse who gets time to recharge brings more peace back into the marriage.

Pastor Marty and Becky Sloan, married for decades, are a good example of opposites. Pastor Marty lifts weights about an hour and a half every day and loves to hunt. Hunting means travel, gear, early mornings, and a few mounts on the office wall. Becky's main hobby is the family's two dogs, each about 70 pounds. Their interests barely overlap. What they've figured out is how to make space for each other.

As they put it, you have to make space for people and what they enjoy. Making room for your spouse means giving them time and support for what refreshes them. That might be being outdoors, playing pickleball, reading a good book, watching a movie, or window shopping. They come back more relaxed, and that carries into the relationship. Everyone lives with some level of stress. A good hobby is one healthy way to release it.

Why does your spouse's hobby matter so much to them?

Because a hobby often meets a deeper need than it seems to on the surface. Ask what it does for your spouse, not just what it costs you.

For Pastor Marty, the gym is about mental health more than appearance. He started lifting in his late twenties and drifted away after a move. He came back when the stress and pressure of his work made him realize he needed a healthy outlet. Later, the gym became a place to spend time with their younger son.

It also became a mission field. Since nearly everyone he works with goes to church, the gym gives him a place to build friendships with people who don't yet know Jesus. A hobby can be rest, connection, and ministry all at once.

How do you handle the cost of hobbies?

Talk about it openly and make a plan together. Supporting each other's hobbies still means practical conversations, because some hobbies cost far more than others.

Dogs need food and vet visits, and they now carry pet insurance. Hunting trips cost more. When they looked at their taxes, they agreed the hunting won that contest by a wide margin. If you're going to be practical, you talk about budget and work it out together, so neither of you is surprised and neither feels shortchanged.

What about the time hobbies take?

Be honest about it, and use time apart well. Long hunting trips can be hard on the spouse at home. Becky uses that time to visit her sister or see friends, and she believes every couple needs a little time apart. Pastor Marty isn't convinced that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and they've agreed they're simply wired differently on that one.

That's a healthy way to handle a difference: name it, laugh about it, and keep making room.

How can you support a hobby you don't enjoy?

Join in a little. Supporting your spouse's hobby means being willing to step into their world sometimes, even if you don't love it.

They model this well. One walks the dogs with the other, which gives them time to talk. The dog lover has gone hunting and sat in a freezing tree stand before sunrise. The gym is still a hard no for now, and that's okay too.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

1 Corinthians 13:4 to 5

As Pastor Marty said, part of the beauty of married life is expanding your limits to make room for what your spouse enjoys. Neither of them would say life is worse because of the other's hobbies. Becky says it's so much better.

Can a hobby become part of your family's story?

Yes, and often that's where its real value shows up. Early in their marriage, they made a big move away from family with two boys ages three and seven. After that move, Becky brought home a dog even though Pastor Marty had clearly said no. That dog grew up with the kids and was part of the family until the boys were in high school and college. When it died, it was a hard day for everyone, including the one who never wanted a dog.

Over time, pets and hobbies become part of the story, the pictures, and the memories. They admit some couples hit a real impasse, like one spouse who wants a dog and another who won't budge. That one may take its own conversation. But in most marriages, making room for each other's interests builds something you'll both treasure.

Common questions

Is it healthy for married couples to have separate hobbies?

Yes. Hobbies help people rest and handle stress, and a spouse who gets time to recharge often brings more peace into the relationship. What helps most is supporting each other and talking openly about time and money.

What if my spouse's hobby is expensive?

Talk about it as part of your budget. Some hobbies cost much more than others, and couples do best when they look at the real numbers and agree together on what fits.

How can I support a hobby I don't enjoy?

Make space for it, ask about it, and join in once in a while. Small steps like a walk together or one trip along can turn your spouse's hobby into shared memories.

Do couples need time apart?

Many couples find a little time apart healthy, especially when one spouse travels for a hobby. Use that time to connect with family and friends, and talk openly if you and your spouse feel differently about it.