The Day I Let Go
Lex's Story
I always had a relationship with God ... or so I thought.
The truth is, He was always in the background preparing me. I didn’t look at it as preparation, though. I thought it was pure hell. I was the victim.
The truth is, He was always in the background preparing me. I didn’t look at it as preparation, though. I thought it was pure hell. I was the victim.
“It’s always me.”
“Why do I always get treated this way?”
“People only use me, and then they leave.”
I was defeated, distraught, deterred. Since I was a kid, I was the one people leaned on—not just financially but mentally and emotionally. My mom would often talk to me when she was going through hurt and pain. After her vent session, she would say, “I shouldn’t be speaking to you about this stuff. You’re my daughter.” I was my mom’s best friend at a very young age.
As I got older, I felt like it was a blessing and a curse to be the reliable, trustworthy, loyal cheerleader for everybody around me. I longed for someone like myself to show up for me.
I was really insecure. I struggled with appreciating my melanin. I struggled with my hair. How to dress. I just wanted to be seen and to fit in.
I got into a relationship in high school. It was a typical high school sweetheart story but not quite as beautiful. Manipulation and fear ran our relationship. Not in a physically abusive way, but in a way that made me tell myself, “This is as good as it’s going to get. No one else will want me.”
I met a great therapist, and she started helping me more than I could have imagined. She helped me so much that I ended the almost eight-year relationship in 2020. I said goodbye to the man I thought was my “prince charming.”
Life started to turn around. New job. New car. New apartment. All the things I wanted and worked so hard for. It was finally about Lex and only Lex.
But I felt bad for my ex and my family. I felt selfish for only thinking about myself. So I went back into my people-pleasing. I went back into putting myself last. And I continued with other bad relationships over the next few years.
In April 2025, I found a lump on my chest while doing my self-exams. I thought maybe I was just having an allergic reaction to my body wash. I brought it up to my primary doctor at my appointment in May 2025. She thought it was just a cyst, but she still sent me for a mammogram and testing to be on the safe side.
That’s when things moved fast.
June 2025, I went to get the testing done.
July 2025, I had a biopsy.
July 14, 2025, I was officially diagnosed with breast cancer.
In August 2025, I had my first chemo treatment, and I truly felt like I was about to die. I was sitting in my grandmother’s living room. I was not in relationship with God. I had not read the Bible. I did not know Jesus’ story. But I called on God. I said, “God, please help me.”
On October 1, 2025, something in my mind, body, and spirit told me to talk to my “prince charming” again and see if anything had changed. I knew it hadn’t, but I was holding on to hope. He told me yet again that he was not interested and only saw me as a friend.
That was the breaking point. Being everything to everybody. Doing good. Being a good person. Thinking I was doing the right thing. But I get cancer. I get rejected. I lose my hair. My skin changed. My body changed. I thought, “What is the point? Why am I even here anymore?” I should just end it all.
I started driving in the direction of my house, teary-eyed and ready to leave earth. Then something spoke to me and said, “Go to a church.” I googled churches. Then I remembered Calvary. “Prince Charming” had introduced me to Calvary one Saturday morning when the guys played basketball.
I drove into the parking lot. It was almost like an out-of-body experience. I walked into the office completely destroyed. Completely broken. I asked for a pastor. Mrs. Levonia Strong came and spoke with me. She listened to me. I don’t know what it was, but Calvary just felt very safe. Peace. Like whatever I was carrying in, when I started talking with her, the weight was being released.
She listened to me and asked me questions. She invited me back to church for a bilingual service that Wednesday night. She asked me if I believed in Jesus. I told her that I believed in God, but I didn’t know Jesus’ story.
Normally, when people would try to explain religious things to me, I would shy away from it. But I walked into Calvary and saw someone who looked like me. She was talking to me in a soft and gentle way, and then she invited me back. I was like, “What do I have left to lose?” because I was about to end my life. I had been trying to do it my way, but it wasn’t working.
That day, I hesitated for just a moment. But I was like, “I don’t care anymore. I don’t care what I look like. I don’t care what people think. I just know that I don’t like how I feel right now.” I felt completely broken. Completely out of control. I had been navigating my life my way. I thought what you put out is what you get back. I thought I was a good person. But there are a lot of good people going to hell, and I was that person.
When I felt that feeling and that power to walk into the church, I felt like I gave up completely on me being in the driver’s seat. I came back that night. In service, I can’t tell you what they were talking about. I just felt that calling of, “Come to Me.” It was the Holy Spirit drawing me.
I attended YA the next day. I attended church again that Sunday. I completed the Following Jesus course. Then on November 23, 2025, I got water baptized. I felt so free. I felt so seen. So loved. All the things I was looking for in other people and things, I started to get with God.
And today, the cancer is gone. I was that doctor’s second patient ever to only need one round of chemo before he surgically removed the tumor. Today the scar from my port is a story of my relationship with God. Had I not gotten diagnosed with cancer, I would still be drinking, smoking, dating the wrong people, and doing things my way. God knew that I would not hear His calling if I still had all the distractions. He used cancer to turn my life around.
I’m still learning about God. And I think that’s the best, most beautiful thing about God. It doesn’t matter where I am in my walk with Him. I can still keep learning and keep growing. There’s always something He is trying to teach me and show me.
I fell in love with God because I realized how much God loved me. And that completely flipped the way I view myself. Because if God loves me that much, I have to love His creation—which is me.
God truly saved my life. I am forever thankful for Him having mercy on a lost soul. Very honored to have been found.
If I could say one thing to someone else, it would be this: Stop. Let go. Trust God.
“Why do I always get treated this way?”
“People only use me, and then they leave.”
I was defeated, distraught, deterred. Since I was a kid, I was the one people leaned on—not just financially but mentally and emotionally. My mom would often talk to me when she was going through hurt and pain. After her vent session, she would say, “I shouldn’t be speaking to you about this stuff. You’re my daughter.” I was my mom’s best friend at a very young age.
As I got older, I felt like it was a blessing and a curse to be the reliable, trustworthy, loyal cheerleader for everybody around me. I longed for someone like myself to show up for me.
I was really insecure. I struggled with appreciating my melanin. I struggled with my hair. How to dress. I just wanted to be seen and to fit in.
I got into a relationship in high school. It was a typical high school sweetheart story but not quite as beautiful. Manipulation and fear ran our relationship. Not in a physically abusive way, but in a way that made me tell myself, “This is as good as it’s going to get. No one else will want me.”
I met a great therapist, and she started helping me more than I could have imagined. She helped me so much that I ended the almost eight-year relationship in 2020. I said goodbye to the man I thought was my “prince charming.”
Life started to turn around. New job. New car. New apartment. All the things I wanted and worked so hard for. It was finally about Lex and only Lex.
But I felt bad for my ex and my family. I felt selfish for only thinking about myself. So I went back into my people-pleasing. I went back into putting myself last. And I continued with other bad relationships over the next few years.
In April 2025, I found a lump on my chest while doing my self-exams. I thought maybe I was just having an allergic reaction to my body wash. I brought it up to my primary doctor at my appointment in May 2025. She thought it was just a cyst, but she still sent me for a mammogram and testing to be on the safe side.
That’s when things moved fast.
June 2025, I went to get the testing done.
July 2025, I had a biopsy.
July 14, 2025, I was officially diagnosed with breast cancer.
In August 2025, I had my first chemo treatment, and I truly felt like I was about to die. I was sitting in my grandmother’s living room. I was not in relationship with God. I had not read the Bible. I did not know Jesus’ story. But I called on God. I said, “God, please help me.”
On October 1, 2025, something in my mind, body, and spirit told me to talk to my “prince charming” again and see if anything had changed. I knew it hadn’t, but I was holding on to hope. He told me yet again that he was not interested and only saw me as a friend.
That was the breaking point. Being everything to everybody. Doing good. Being a good person. Thinking I was doing the right thing. But I get cancer. I get rejected. I lose my hair. My skin changed. My body changed. I thought, “What is the point? Why am I even here anymore?” I should just end it all.
I started driving in the direction of my house, teary-eyed and ready to leave earth. Then something spoke to me and said, “Go to a church.” I googled churches. Then I remembered Calvary. “Prince Charming” had introduced me to Calvary one Saturday morning when the guys played basketball.
I drove into the parking lot. It was almost like an out-of-body experience. I walked into the office completely destroyed. Completely broken. I asked for a pastor. Mrs. Levonia Strong came and spoke with me. She listened to me. I don’t know what it was, but Calvary just felt very safe. Peace. Like whatever I was carrying in, when I started talking with her, the weight was being released.
She listened to me and asked me questions. She invited me back to church for a bilingual service that Wednesday night. She asked me if I believed in Jesus. I told her that I believed in God, but I didn’t know Jesus’ story.
Normally, when people would try to explain religious things to me, I would shy away from it. But I walked into Calvary and saw someone who looked like me. She was talking to me in a soft and gentle way, and then she invited me back. I was like, “What do I have left to lose?” because I was about to end my life. I had been trying to do it my way, but it wasn’t working.
That day, I hesitated for just a moment. But I was like, “I don’t care anymore. I don’t care what I look like. I don’t care what people think. I just know that I don’t like how I feel right now.” I felt completely broken. Completely out of control. I had been navigating my life my way. I thought what you put out is what you get back. I thought I was a good person. But there are a lot of good people going to hell, and I was that person.
When I felt that feeling and that power to walk into the church, I felt like I gave up completely on me being in the driver’s seat. I came back that night. In service, I can’t tell you what they were talking about. I just felt that calling of, “Come to Me.” It was the Holy Spirit drawing me.
I attended YA the next day. I attended church again that Sunday. I completed the Following Jesus course. Then on November 23, 2025, I got water baptized. I felt so free. I felt so seen. So loved. All the things I was looking for in other people and things, I started to get with God.
And today, the cancer is gone. I was that doctor’s second patient ever to only need one round of chemo before he surgically removed the tumor. Today the scar from my port is a story of my relationship with God. Had I not gotten diagnosed with cancer, I would still be drinking, smoking, dating the wrong people, and doing things my way. God knew that I would not hear His calling if I still had all the distractions. He used cancer to turn my life around.
I’m still learning about God. And I think that’s the best, most beautiful thing about God. It doesn’t matter where I am in my walk with Him. I can still keep learning and keep growing. There’s always something He is trying to teach me and show me.
I fell in love with God because I realized how much God loved me. And that completely flipped the way I view myself. Because if God loves me that much, I have to love His creation—which is me.
God truly saved my life. I am forever thankful for Him having mercy on a lost soul. Very honored to have been found.
If I could say one thing to someone else, it would be this: Stop. Let go. Trust God.
At Calvary Church, our mission is to see lives transformed by the power of God. If God has transformed your life, share your story here.